I often get asked about how Uncompete  relates to young people. I’ve been reflecting heavily on what it means to raise the next generation outside of competitive norms.   As a parent to a nine-year-old boy, this is an area where I am always learning. Or rather, I’ve had to do a lot of un -learning and am continually working on that. As the child of immigrant parents, I was definitely taught that the more I excelled, the better position I would be in society.   Of course, I also want my son to succeed, and competition with myself and others was the way I was taught to be successful…and yet, writing Uncompete forced me to ask (and investigate and research!) whether competition is really good for us as humans.  So I’ve had to go back to some of what I wrote about in my own book–which is not  parenting-specific–to guide decisions on how to raise a child that doesn’t feel like success only means being the best at everything––beating out everyone else––no matter the cost.   One way that we can nurture and nourish our kids without emphasizing competition is to emphasize learning and cultivating a growth mindset (making them into well-rounded people) rather than a fixed mindset (hyper-focusing on things that they show skills in).  My son isn't always comfortable in his body, but to Uncompete means to embrace failure. Here he is learning how to play soccer with other kids who had much more practice than him! So, for example, my son showed an early aptitude for (and interest in) maths. My instinct was to immediately find extended math classes and competitions for him. In a competition-at-all-costs society, it makes sense to double down on what kids are "good" at and focus on that rather than what they aren't showing early aptitude in.   But thinking this way has never served me well. In fact, like him, I was always more interested in books and learning indoors than outdoor activities. When I did venture onto the soccer field, or tennis court or track, I was laughed at and felt so much shame, I stopped trying. I was never going to be the next Megan Rapinoe or Serena Williams, but I'm sad that the prevailing message around me was, "either you're good and then it's worth trying to get better, or you're a failure so just quit now."   I know. So my spouse and I made a deliberate decision to encourage our kid's interest in math, but also focus on things he struggled with, like sports. We need to get kids really good at being ok with failing, at learning from those failures, and at not deriving their whole sense of self-worth from winning.     This also overlaps with research on how many modern parents go out of their way to remove friction from their kids’ lives. If my child only does what they’re good at, then they’ll feel happy, but if I put them in (age-appropriate, safe) difficult situations, they’ll be frustrated/upset/angry and I don’t want them to feel that.   But it’s precisely in exposing them to friction–not removing those obstacles–that they have their greatest growth and resilience. I saw this firsthand myself; when my child was lauded by peers and teachers for math, he only wanted to keep doing that. But including sports like soccer, martial arts and skiing into the mix, all where he had a steep learning curve and plenty of tears, was necessary for him to build the skills of resilience, self-esteem, and the idea that competing with others wasn’t the way to succeed. I now see him collaborating with peers regularly–whether it’s in sharing his love of math, or whether it’s learning from his peers in the other activities he does. Me and Kimfer Flanery-Rye, my co-moderator at the FBomb Breakfast Club gathering for Uncompete––where we talked about how creating communities to navigate failure in entrepreneurship is key to success. Am I scared that this approach might mean he’s not positioned to get a job or "win"? What if that means he won't move out of my house some day when he’s an adult, or that he’ll be financially reliant on us for decades to come? Yes.   It feels scary to choose a different path than the one I was shown around parenting and success.   But there’s a part of me that believes that there’s power in teaching him to love himself and others. To find joy in learning, even if he fails. To decouple self-worth from competition. To practice simply getting better rather than always be competing with everyone.   It’s a both/and, still in progress.  Inclusion on Purpose turns FOUR today!   I can hardly believe that four years ago today, on March 1st, was when Inclusion on Purpose   came out. I’m proud of it: It sold out on its first release, was the bestselling book released by my publisher that year, and was called “a transformative book” by Dr. Brené Brown. And of course, it inspired me so much to begin assessing how competition culture plays into some of the biggest challenges we see towards creating truly inclusive communities. When I’m asked about the difference between my books, I say this: I hope Inclusion on Purpose  inspires you to lead differently from your head, and Uncompete  to lead differently from your heart .   Thank you for reading one or both!   Today also marks the start of Women's History Month–and I reflect on the data on whether women are more competitive than men, in my last LinkedIn newsletter. Read that here . A pinch-me moment during the launch of Inclusion on Purpose, with Dr. Brené Brown What’s your experience?   I would love to hear about your experience of intentionally modeling and teaching young people in your life to Uncompete.  Hit reply to share! These stories lift me up and I think it's so important to share them widely, to inspire ourselves and each other. I truly believe intentionally raising children is a communal activity, one of the most powerful acts of resistance and ways to Uncompete .   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

What do we lose when we stay comfortable?   At my Seattle book launch for Uncompete  last fall, my friend Ijeoma Oluo described something I’ve witnessed for years but hadn’t quite named: a tendency (especially in cities like Seattle) to prize quiet comfort over community. She said:   “People work to become very comfortable and well-off… and they don’t even throw a party.”   We laughed, but it reveals something deep: it can feel easier — and even virtuous — to stay home, productive, and comfortable (especially when it’s dark and rainy, as it was that night of my launch!). But when we choose comfort over connection, we miss the very thing that helps us thrive: community.   It’s all well and good to skip community when life is good…but when the chips are down, or to make meaning of an abundant time (like for me with a book launch), community is not only necessary, it’s life-giving.  Here’s a brief clip of our conversation from my book launch event at Seattle Town Hall: What Competition Gets Wrong About Belonging When I moved to Seattle, everyone I met seemed to be building something big: launching startups, innovating at global tech companies, casually talking about their next million-dollar idea. The competitive energy was constant (even when disguised as a humble brag).  Eventually, I got a coveted job in tech, and… I was miserable (I am just not built for that world!).   But I stayed, because I thought belonging meant having the right title, working in the right industry, and meeting the right people. So, like many of us, I focused on building my “professional network.”   Even after leaving my last corporate job to build my business, I thought networking strategically–chasing folks with titles was more important than investing in community. An example of this? Prioritizing attending a women’s networking social hour that took an hour to drive to over the neighborhood bake sale. Network ≠ Community Then I became a parent. And suddenly, none of that mattered. I remember being awake at 3 AM with a crying baby, and realizing there was no one around I could text or call. With family and childhood friends living over 24 hours by flight away, it was a rude awakening to realize that networking may have built my bank account, but I was community poor. All the networking I had done couldn’t help me in those moments (this is not to say the people in your network can’t become dear friends, but that was not my experience). It was a literal  wake-up call about the difference between a network and a community. A network might get you a job or business contract, but a community shows up when your life is falling apart. A community can hold you through the best of times and the worst of times. Showing Up Is Essential for Community   Ijeoma asked me at the launch, “what is there to gain from letting go of this competitive mindset and thinking with intention and a justice mindset about uncompeting?”  The short answer is: we gain each other. I expand on this in much more detail in Uncompete , but competition among people who should be in community and solidarity with each other only benefits oppressors and keeps us apart. When we uncompete, we band together, uplift each other, validate each other and build a world where more of us can lead and thrive.   How do we do this? For me, the answer comes down to this: first, we need to show up. When possible, in person. Especially when it’s inconvenient. That night of my launch, so many people came out — even in the dark, cold rain — to be in community, and it was so meaningful and heartening. It felt like the beginning of a movement, which is what so many people told me afterwards.   Real talk: It’s easier to disengage. It’s harder to put on “real clothes” and leave the house to be with people — especially when we feel tired or uncertain or behind. Or log in to cheer others on virtually, foregoing time scrolling or watching a movie. But that discomfort leads to something important, because we are not meant to do this alone. Uncompeting Is Taking the Long View  What has allowed us to be successful as a society is the ability to collaborate–data backs this up. We survived in history as a species not because we competed with each other, but because we were able to work together through deep collaboration.    In contrast, I haven’t found any research that indicates that we are hard-wired to compete. We are  hard-wired to compare, to look at another person and assess whether they’re a predator or a fit for our tribe. But that’s different from competition.    Uncompete invites us to take a long view, a problem-solving-together view. To stop measuring our lives by short-term wins and start thinking about what sustains us over time: people, community, belonging, love.    We need each other. We need to invest in our communities like ecosystems — not just as people who can help us get ahead, but as people we can show up for, and who show up for us. In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

In four weeks from today, you'll be able to hold a copy of my next book, Uncompete  in your hands. Or your e-reader or in your ears.   I'm excited, of course. AND, more honestly, I'm struggling to find a way to gear up for the book launch when there's so much grief and confusion everywhere. I know this book will help us navigate some of the heaviness we're feeling. Yet, how do I do this?   I'm learning....   To achieve my dreams, the next four weeks require me to do two things.   I am inspired by and borrowing these from my amazing friend Amelia Ransom , who shared that these were two ways she would navigate when she received unexpected health news:   One is to fight like hell. I AM going to fight like anything to get Uncompete   into the hands of people who really need it. This comes easily to me!    The second is to ask for help , which, I'm not as good at. But the core belief of Uncompete  is that success for all comes from choosing abundance and collaboration, while intentionally rejecting competition. I’m realizing that asking for help from my community, sincerely and humbly, does all of those things.    So I’m asking: will you help me spread the word about Uncompete?   It takes a village to make a book launch successful, and I would be so grateful to have your support. If you're up for supporting the book (thank you!), there are three important things you can do:   1. Pre-order the book   Pre-orders count toward the first week's sales (and increase a book's chance of getting on a bestseller list). The more pre-orders the book gets, the more copies the publishing house will know to print.   Here are links to some of the most popular retailers: Amazon , Bookshop.org   (your local indie bookseller) and Barnes and Noble .   If you do pre-order (thank you!) you’ll receive an exclusive digital excerpt, reflection guide, and invitation to a virtual event with me (via my publisher). Access for all three of those can be found here . 2. Tell your communities about the book     Talking about Uncompete   on social media is a huge help, as is sharing it via email. There are examples you can easily copy and paste in this Google doc . It includes options for email, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and more. 3. Submit a review    Reviews make a big difference in early sales. If you’re open to leaving a review once the book is in your hands, please hit reply and let me know! I’ll do what I can to make it as easy as possible for you to do so.   All in all, it's a tough time to be an author or launch anything creative in the world and ask people to help, but I always learn that there is power in our words, power in women's words especially, and collective power in supporting each other to uncompete.   Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your support.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

With Amy Gallo, former co-host of the Women At Work podcast. This was the first time we met in person (October 2022), though thanks to Amy's generosity in so many ways, we've become bi-coastal besties! Women at Work —a favorite and truly trailblazing podcast by Harvard Business Review (HBR)—published their final episode last month 😢. Today I’m paying homage to their work, the difference it made, and its impact on me.    I'm rounding up some of my favorite episodes (a tall order!) and sharing the episodes I was lucky to join as a guest below. I’m so thankful to Women at Work , and will always celebrate their trailblazing work. Here's why.   Finding Validation and Community   Back when I began to research and write about gender bias in the workplace, I was looking to find evidence that squared with my experiences and those of the women around me I talked to: that it was workplaces  that needed fixing, not women.    But in the mainstream narrative, I kept bumping into the idea that women  were the problem—we’re not assertive/too aggressive, not friendly/too friendly, have imposter syndrome/are too dominant, etc—and it was frustrating!   So you can imagine that I was filled with relief and gratitude when I found the Women at Work   podcast by HBR in 2018, the same year I became a contributor. (Serendipity?)   It was incredibly validating to hear gender in the workplace discussed candidly by their amazing hosts and guests, with the HBR brand boldly propelling the idea that women’s experiences were  different at work. And gender deserved to be centered in leadership and management conversations.   YES!    Each episode tackled different topics with the fundamental assumption that there’s nothing inherently wrong with women that blocks our progress in the workplace, and that women can thrive when given the tools, support, and chances.    And so, for seven years and over 10 seasons, they talked about exactly that. With Sarah Green Carmichael (past co-host and Executive Editor of HBR), Amy Gallo and Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson in London in 2023 Women at Work Published their Final Episode   All good things must come to an end, and it’s hard when they do. Especially a publication as unique as Women at Work . From menopause to weight bias to what it actually takes––beyond lip service––to support women of color, Women at Work  always educated me, made me think, and most of all, ensured I felt seen on topics that are transformative and necessary to leadership.   The goodbye is personal too….   I was invited to join the podcast as a guest in 2018, when I was early (and very unknown) in my journey to make workplaces more gender-inclusive. And it was a life-changing experience. Being invited to a community as respected as HBR was the  biggest win I’d had since I switched careers from journalism back in 2014. How I Joined the Women at Work Podcast (!)   Rewind to early 2018, where I received a painful rejection for the first article I submitted to HBR––after years of trying to get my foot in the door.   (Side note: I recently heard a former Fortune 10 executive  talk about how getting an article published in HBR was one of the most challenging and affirming moments of their career…and I felt SO validated.) This has also been one of the reasons I’ve tried to liberally make connections to their editors with my community, where I can, because gatekeeping in this industry is rampant.   Anyway, I was ecstatic when later that year, HBR agreed to publish, Women of Color Get Asked to Do More “Office Housework.” Here’s How They Can Say No . The best part was that I was introduced to Amy Gallo who became my HBR editor—later, a co-host on the podcast—and a dear friend to this day.   The article struck a chord, and when Women at Work  asked if I’d join them for their episode on Doing Less Dead End Work , I nearly passed out in excitement! Podcasts were new back then and I barely knew how to speak on one. If you listen to this episode, you'll hear that my voice is shaky and more monotone (due to nerves) than the conversational way (I hope) I sound on podcasts today. Thanks to a lot of practice! With Modupe Akinola, Amy Gallo and Selena Rezvani, all amazing women who have been part of the HBR universe in some way! Ruchika Selects: A Few of My Favorite Episodes   Women at Work  means a lot to me not just for inviting me as a guest (multiple times!), but for presenting evidence and experts to illustrate that propelling women in the workplace requires intentionality and awareness.   So to commemorate the podcast’s eight-year run, I’m revisiting my favorite episodes, as well as those I've joined: Respect for Any Body Size  This episode on weight bias had me crying while I listened. This is such an undercovered topic, and one that impacts me personally as a larger-than-conventional woman in workplaces I’ve been in around the world; Singapore, India, the U.K. and across the U.S. Prepare to be absolutely blown away by this one!   If We Want Equity, Work Needs to Be Less Greedy When work is relentlessly demanding, it can be nearly impossible to see yourself as anything but a cog in the machine that has to compete (scarcity!) to get ahead. As you can tell, this episode relates closely to the principles of Uncompete . Hearing Nobel Prizewinning economist Claudia Goldin make this point so well here...is everything.   Let’s Talk About Money I’ve struggled until recently with money conversations due to how I was socialized to be "agreeable" and not “greedy”. I love the idea of “teaching wealth,” which is discussed in this episode. And fun fact! Amelia Ransom , their guest, has become a dear friend and is launching her own new podcast soon. I'm excited to be one of her first guests when she launches. I LOVE her ideas on building and teaching wealth to enrich communities.    Let’s Do Less Dead-End Work This is the first episode I joined the podcast as a guest, where we talk about avoiding the drudgery that women tend to get stuck with at work. We cover handling these kinds of “dead-end work” requests and what managers can do to assign work fairly. I still come back to the advice I've gathered on this topic—eight years later, the people-pleaser in me continues to be in recovery.   We’re Beyond Stretched This was the first episode released during the early COVID-19 pandemic, and I was so humbled to be asked to process that momentous time in history with the hosts. The increased emotional and logistical load of the pandemic was not distributed evenly: women bore the brunt. As we learnt in even more catastrophic ways as the pandemic unfolded.   I joined this episode to discuss how I was coping (while writing a book and with a young child at home) and to share my advice on handling the additional stress.   Handling Fierce Criticism Anyone who is outspoken and visible opens themselves up to criticism. In this episode, I talk about my experiences with online harassment and how I’ve dealt with pushback and skeptics. It was a hard one for me to discuss some of the horrible trolling I’ve experienced as a woman writing on the internet….I didn’t know this was going to be the last time I’d be on the show (I secretly hoped I’d be able to share about Uncompete with this amazing community who literally model what the concept means), but I remain proud of my contributions to this conversation.   Book: You, the Leader Women at Work wasn’t only a podcast: they hosted live events and published several books. I was honored to have the article I co-wrote on imposter syndrome included in this volume. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Women at Work!   I will always be grateful to the team behind Women at Work  (special shoutout to producer Amanda Kersey) for creating a space that challenged bias, spotlighted overlooked issues, and reminded us that the workplace can be reimagined to welcome us all. Fortunately for all of us, the Women at Work archive is active , and I encourage you to check out their episodes.   The last episode in particular...right at the end where they each say these deep, heartfelt thank yous …give me chills and tears. WAW is a profoundly special community.   It will leave an absence felt by many.   So…I’d love to know: do you have a favorite podcast that covers women in the workplace? I’m taking recommendations!     In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

I know I’m not alone in feeling absolutely devastated. Like most, I don’t know how to process, deal, make sense, feel like I can help. Again, not unique in this, I know.  And––as I have to keep one foot in front of the other–not least, to be fully present as I can for the rambunctious 8-year-old human in my life–I’ve been holding on to the words “I’m not alone” to find a way.   None of what we do is possible without the contributions of many people we’ll never meet. We know this instinctively…and yet. (And so much more “and yet,” thinking of the individualism rampant in our societies.)  I’m speechless when I deeply reflect on how interlinked we truly are. From the coffee in my cup to the people who care for my child at school or camp, I’m reminded daily that no one does anything alone. This truth is a fundamental principle behind my book Uncompete   and the third annual #AmplifyJuly campaign. Uncompeting in Action   I wrote about how #AmplifyJuly helps me joyfully reject competition  on LinkedIn, and today I want to share with you how I think about “returning” meaningful support we receive—especially when it comes from “big names” whose audience, reach and influence far surpass our own.   I know I’ve been lucky to have incredible support from many leaders and their communities over the years. When I think about all the people—many I know personally, plenty I do not!—who’ve amplified my work, I feel awed and so, so grateful.    Some of that support comes from well-known names, like Brené Brown and Amy Edmondson (!). But it’s equally meaningful when people who don’t  spend much time online take action—like those who were moved to write their first online review for my book (thank you). 🙏  All these acts of support light me up, and they help me keep my head high when the going gets tough (as it is for many of us right now). I want to do what I can to share that experience with others. And so #AmplifyJuly is one way I hope to pay forward the generosity I’ve received.    I think of it like this: Brené and Amy don’t need me  to amplify them, and there’s not much I can do to directly return their support anyway. And that’s OK— uncompeting isn’t keeping a tally of who’s-done-what, it’s doing what you  can from where you are .   That might be a heartfelt thanks, a leg-up at work, or using your platform to boost other people. I’m so lucky to have multiple circles of amazing women who amplify and support each other. I got to realize a bucket list dream with these humans–more details in a future newsletter! :) Radical Generosity and Solidarity   No one does anything alone. But here in the United States (and from what I can tell, much of the western world) it can seem like people do. There’s a strong cultural emphasis on individuality, which obscures the fact that we’re connected in countless ways. Social media seems to turbocharge this harmful idea.   By amplifying others—in the many big and small ways available to us—we show another, truer side to our stories. We practice radical generosity and solidarity, which are two key ways to reject competition that I outline in Uncompete .  In doing so we help each other and we help ourselves, and everyone  wins.   And I’ll say one final thing that makes my heart sing about #AmplifyJuly: We haven’t received a single piece of negative feedback , and not many Internet initiatives can say the same! To me, this underscores the fact we’re wired  to uncompete.   Uncompeting feels good .     In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

It’s a tough season for many of us. While my identities and life circumstances protect me from some challenges, others I am feeling keenly.   For example: new inquiries for my business dropped by 80%. Last year, my business reported a loss for the first time since I officially launched in 2017.  It’s hard on the ego. And of course, on the pocketbook.   Yet something important is also emerging: the organizations and leaders who are still showing up to inclusion and belonging are incredibly  aligned. They’re not engaging in DEI because it’s good optics; they recognize that it is essential even when there are serious headwinds.    So last week in Inclusion is Leadership  I shared how I’ve been navigating this moment on different levels: in my body, in my business, and in the deeper values that guide my work.   And now I want to share with you my answer to a FAQ I hear often (and, for those of you who also work in DEI, you probably hear too): am I considering changing my business in light of the pushback against DEI?   Real talk: My thoughts on pivoting (hint: not for me)   The answer is simple: No. (Some have also asked if Uncompete  is a pivot. It’s not—more on that below.)   Though I've never considered changing my business, I’ve long grappled with being pigeonholed into DEI, when I’ve always approached this work as fundamental to and inextricable from great leadership, management, team-building, and reaching big, hairy, audacious goals.   (That’s why I named my LinkedIn newsletter Inclusion is  Leadership .)   At the same time, I understand and have seen firsthand that when we don’t name diversity, equity and inclusion , it’s easy to default to the “leadership” or “management” or decision-making and authority of those already in positions of power and status in organizations and society.   As I prepare for my next book, Uncompete , I want to clarify that it’s never been about changing my focus away from DEI. In fact I formalized the ideas in Uncompete  back in 2022, during a time when the world was VERY pro-DEI (remember that!?) and I was making record revenues from DEI consulting and speaking. ALSO, anyone familiar with the book publishing process will know, it takes YEARS from idea → Book in hand.   Even in that (mostly) welcoming and enthusiastic environment in 2022, I saw the challenges we were up against: scarcity, zero-sum thinking, one-upping. COMPETITION both within groups of people with similar identities AND with those we consider the “other.”   While I never predicted the extent of the dangerous anti-DEI backlash we’re seeing now, I always saw that we couldn’t make true progress without addressing this scarcity thinking I’ve seen everywhere. The: “does the women’s leadership program at my organization mean men don’t get to progress?” or “The #MeToo movement makes me uncomfortable because I’m a man who would never…so #NotAllMen.”    I believe from the bottom of my heart (and science backs this up) that re-orienting towards our nature to uncompete  is critical to allowing inclusion and belonging to thrive. As a leadership and human imperative.  We must deliberately, intentionally and constantly push back against competition-and-comparison-everywhere writ large. An Unwavering Commitment   If you’ve stayed with me this far—both reading this and supporting me over the years—thank you.   This moment is hard. It’s easy and normal to feel disheartened. But I’ll say this clearly: Whatever it takes, however it looks or whatever it’s called, I will always, always, always  advocate for a better, more inclusive world. I hope to be able to until my last breath.    Because those of us doing this work from our hearts know true equity and inclusion isn’t about a moment or movement. True justice requires us to stay the entire course.   Now, let me learn from you: if your work focuses on DEI, how are you responding to the “changing focus” question? And for everyone, I’d love to hear what you’re seeing that’s bringing you joy these days.   Let’s keep the conversation—and the work—going.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

When the world feels heavy (and any type of way, if I'm honest!), I turn to books.   Stories have always offered me hope, connection, and joy—especially those that reflect layered experiences of identity and belonging.   And since becoming a mum, one of my most cherished experiences has been sharing my love of books with my son, V. I’ve loved reading to and with him since he was tiny–in fact, when I gathered friends to celebrate my pregnancy nearly 9 years ago, my only request was to bring their favorite kids’ books. So V had a full library even before he was born! And now that he's eight years old I love seeing him read and discover stories on his own.    But there's one problem: it's been difficult to find stories that reflect the diversity  of the city, country and world he lives in—and the depth and breadth of our own culture.  Since he moved on from reading board books, we haven't found many stories featuring South Asian characters that look like him. Of course, no community is EVER a monolith, and because of the impact of colonialism, forced labor migrations, political instabilities, immigration etc….South Asian stories are incredibly diverse. They're also incredibly fascinating which always surprises me that we don't see more representation of that diversity in books (for young and adult readers!)    At this time when the world is really  grappling with understanding, empathy and respect across differences, one way I’ve tried to cultivate curiosity in my own child AND while talking to his friends, my nieces, my friends' kids and other young people in my life, is by recommending stories from different cultures.  Diversity in kids’ books helps normalize so much at a time when young brains are being formed; from non-Western names and ways of living, eating, praying, loving and being. But there’s so much room from growth–this chart from The Cooperative Children’s Book Center  highlights the opportunity ahead. In 2023, 49 percent of the books the CCBC documented have significant BIPOC content — up from 46 percent in 2022. One of the outcomes of not  growing up with a diversity of characters in books I read is the shame I felt about myself. Because I almost exclusively read Western authors, I felt ashamed that my name was Ruchika, that I didn’t have pale skin or eat clotted cream and scones or (as I grew older) couldn’t talk about my crushes or see people who looked like me as leaders–that my family and people like me were so very different from what I read about, saw on TV, taught were "normal."   That shame still carries on in my head, the voice is MUCH quieter than ever before, but never fully gone when I’m in Western spaces. I know that what has helped me navigate it in my adulthood is seeing more representation of the stories, bodies and ideas that feel familiar to me.   One of my biggest dreams is that every child in the world can grow up affirmed exactly as they are. And I know that stories are a key part of the puzzle in making this a reality.   When I shared my “adult” new book recommendations by South Asian authors for AAPI Heritage Month in my LinkedIn newsletter (please share your own recommendations in the comments !), I realized it was time for a deep dive in kids’ books too.  Important note: You don’t have to have children or BE a child to read these incredible stories.   New resource: kids’ books by South Asian Authors So with the help of my team we created a new resource: Kids' books by South Asian Authors , a community-created spreadsheet dedicated to book recommendations by and about the South Asian community. I hope you'll take a look, and seek out these titles from your local bookstores and libraries. Most importantly, I hope you'll consider this spreadsheet yours and send me ideas to add your favorite kids books by South Asian authors to the list we've started! Please reply to this email with your favorites for young readers that we should add.    Representation matters more than ever While working on this list I learned that Penguin Randomhouse, the publisher of my book, Uncompete , is defending the right of school counties in a Supreme Court case  to include books with LGBTQ themes in elementary schools.  I’m glad my publisher is standing up for what is right, and I hope the results of this case support what you and I know well: that diversity is integral and a necessity to the human experience, and that representation, inclusion and belonging matter . When so much around us feels hopeless and helpless, I fiercely believe that  small acts of choice and resistance also  matter:  the books you CHOOSE  to buy (especially from indie bookstores), the books you CHOOSE  to read, what you CHOOSE  to request from your library.   While each individual act may be tiny, their cumulative effect is powerful indeed.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

I recently had a bittersweet conversation with my eight-year-old son, V.   I was explaining to him that in some cultures (including some in India where our ancestors are from), it’s common for many women not to be allowed  to work outside the home because of social norms.  My son was baffled, like I’d just told him the earth was flat or the moon was made of cheese. It was so outside his ability to comprehend that he could hardly fathom what I was talking about! He’s always seen me as a business owner and caregiver, and while we have plenty of caregivers in our community who don’t do paid work outside the home, he absolutely couldn’t fathom that women weren’t allowed to make the choice. My 8-year-old with a sign he made at a school march for peace and justice His genuine astonishment warmed my heart but it was also… familiar. I realized I’m seeing the same bafflement from many adults (particularly white people) in my community and online in response to the anti-DEI, anti-trans, anti-so-many-people-and-values actions we see writ large. Attacks on our values are destabilizing   There are a lot of us—perhaps including you—who thought, why would anyone attack DEI? Or trans women? Or the Department of Education? Who never anticipated that overtly racist ideas would become so mainstream.    Part of me understands the astonishment. It’s destabilizing to have our fundamental values so vehemently attacked, and I say our values  deliberately, because I know most of us fundamentally agree that we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and to have an equal opportunity to pursue our goals.   The other part of me isn’t surprised at these attacks, and many people of color in my community (particularly my Black colleagues) aren’t surprised either. Quite the opposite: most have been anticipating such a backlash.  But I believe what we do and how we act now will have a massive impact on our futures. I know so many of us (me very much included to some extent) have been complacent, believing democracy and freedom are how we think , not how we act . Destabilization can get us from inaction to action   I empathize with those—perhaps including you—who find the shock frustrating. But I have a different take:  their astonishment actually gives me hope . Because I’m noticing people using their shock to ask important questions, like:  What can I do? What is DEI really about? (More on this below) What’s my role in protecting what I thought would never be up for debate in the mainstream?  I’m seeing the extremity of what’s happening galvanize people to engage in ways they never thought they would need to, because they never expected their values to be contested in this mainstream way.   I don’t say this to put a “positive spin” on anything or to make light of the very serious attacks on our fundamental values and human rights. Believe me, as a non-citizen immigrant, I am acutely aware of how serious things are and can be.    I say this to remind us that there is always both/and: it’s both  a disturbing time and  I see signs that it’s changing behavior in important and progressive ways. How we can resist: Uncompete   I certainly didn’t plan this, but I think the attacks on DEI make the topic of my forthcoming book, Uncompete , especially relevant. In the book I address questions like, even when people believe in equal rights for all in theory, why is there discomfort in practice?   This dissonance is part of what led me to write Uncompete. On one hand, we’re seeing progress, like 50% of this year’s Oscar films having women at the helm . And on the other, Google removed events like Women’s History Month from their holidays calendar, and that’s just one  example of what we’re dealing with.    How can we resist backwards-looking rhetoric and actions by uncompeting? In my forthcoming book (which is available for pre-order !) I discuss:  Moving from scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset . We’re taught, explicitly and implicitly, to believe that when their group is thriving, our group must be failing. But in reality, opportunities abound and progress is great for everyone (including those in the majority). Know that progress should never be zero-sum:  one group shouldn’t have to “lose” so another group “wins.” This is a false dichotomy. When you see or hear this kind of us-or-them thinking out in the wild, I encourage you to stop and question it (internally at least and, if it’s safe to do so, with other people).   Recognize that inequality hurts everyone . This research from Brookings  has more. Invest in DEI no matter what. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, and to have an equal opportunity to pursue our goals. Full stop.    I spoke about some of these themes in a recent talk at the Starbucks HQ in Seattle for Women’s History Month. I believe it’s become a form of resistance for women to uncompete—to support each other and propel each other—more than ever. Here’s what I’m doing   I won’t say anything here you haven’t heard elsewhere: call your elected officials to make your view clear and/or to thank them for standing up for what’s right. Look to local organizations, especially those led by people of color, for opportunities to volunteer and donate. In Seattle, I’ve been particularly inspired by the work of Northwest Immigrant Rights Project .    Follow people of color online and seek out books, podcasts, and videos by creators of color. Talk to each other, especially people whose views and experiences differ from your own. I ask that you don’t turn away from engaging in this moment in history, hard as it is. And push back hard against anti-DEI rhetoric.   Why should we all resist DEI attacks?  DEI is about what I wrote above: the belief that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, and to have an equal opportunity to pursue our goals. DEI done right is an active commitment to this belief, which starts by educating and understanding what’s at stake when DEI is attacked.      The misinformation being spread about DEI prompted me to start a video series called Progress Not Perfect  where I explain key concepts from my bestselling book, Inclusion on Purpose.  I specifically focus on ideas that are being targeted, such as:  What Diversity, Equity and Inclusion really mean DEI and Meritocracy are not opposites  (meritocracy was originally a satirical term!) How to view DEI in a global context Women and “prove-it” bias   I hope these videos clarify terms, open up discussion, and help you think about DEI expansively and creatively.   I'd love to hear from you...   After Inclusion on Purpose   came out, many people ( including Dr. Brené Brown ) asked me what my goal was for my work. It might sound glib, but my sincere goal is for our understanding of equity, inclusion and diversity to be so ubiquitous that my role in advocating for these fundamentals are rendered obsolete—the same way my brown son born in America was flabbergasted that many women who look like me are prevented from pursuing careers outside the home. (After that, my dream is to own a vineyard producing sparkling wines—not many women who look like me own vineyards yet!)  I’d love to hear from you: What questions do you have about DEI (maybe I’ll answer yours in my next #ProgressNotPerfect video)? What actions are you taking to support yourself and your community lately?   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

I don't have good words to express how I feel right now–horror, devastation, fear.   Seeing DEI hostility writ large has made it so much harder for leaders who know an inclusive, safe, kind, accountable work environment isn't just the right thing to do, it's also the only way to ensure the longevity of an organization. Especially now, when every workplace is more diverse–in literally every way–than at any other point in history.   "Demography is destiny," wrote 19th century French philosopher, August Comte. I couldn't agree more. To deny it is foolhardy and short-sighted.   I've despaired, like many around me, as Executive Order after Executive Order has doggedly come after workplace fairness and inclusion and representation with this new U.S. presidential administration. Many of my clients have been more anxious and unsure about how to navigate this new, openly hostile landscape. I have too.   Here's the way I see it: DEI has always been about human rights. We either believe every person has a right to participate, be respected and lead in our workplaces, or we don't. We either understand how longstanding barriers have prevented people from these rights, or we don't. We either believe in the possibility and promise of a culture of fairness for all–and work at it tirelessly–or we don't. There's just no two ways about this–even if the language is being challenged now. The problem is, too many organizations were performing DEI, rather than integrating it into every part of the culture. It's akin to why it's easy to remove a jacket but impossible to peel off your skin. DEI done right  is  leadership and culture, not an add-on, but part of everything.   Me with La'Kita Williams at the one year celebration of my book, Inclusion on Purpose. Recently, when my dear friend La'Kita Williams MSW, CPC  shared the curriculum for her ground-breaking CoCreate Work 's Culture Crash Course  – a two-week cohort-based learning journey focused on the essentials of understanding, developing and actioning a culture that really matters – I was excited for leaders everywhere. The curriculum is absolutely action-packed, inspiring and instructive based on research and case studies. It is also a manual that we all  need to navigate this uncertain time. The Course  grounds leaders in the essentials (not basics) of building a healthy culture, one which centers on co-creation and grounded in the decades of experience La'Kita and her business partner, Chloe Andersen  have with leading at and with a variety of innovative organizations. Vanessa Arias  is project manager.   So when La'Kita and her team asked me to come onboard as an organizing partner for this next cohort, I was so excited!   The FOURTH iteration of Culture Crash Course  l aunches this month, which happens to be my birthday month! More than ever, culture really, really matters. It's the foundation and the icing. It's what will help leaders navigate the now and the future. Without a healthy culture, the old adage becomes true: if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. We need leaders to be proactive, informed, engaged and deeply invested in creating a culture that outlasts any one moment in time. Apart from the incredible learning, I can safely say you'll be among an amazing community. I know so many of us are wondering how to navigate these times, especially when we have teams looking to us for answers.   I hope you join us.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

For my own self-care, I have a plan for the inauguration of America’s next president on January 20. I’ll be taking the day off work to honor the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and attempting to find glimmers .   Glimmers are micro-moments of joy that help calm the nervous system–they're small, "everyday" joys that can help us feel grateful and joyous.   Planned glimmers for Monday: I’ll go for a long walk, as it’s supposed to be sunny where I live. I plan to start the morning with my meditation and yoga flow. I'll nourish my body with warm food. Most of all, I'm looking forward to spending time with my loved ones: my 8-year-old, husband and I are still doing game nights--between Poker, Monopoly, Uno and Exploding Kittens, there's raucous excitement most evenings in my household.   I generally stay away from writing explicitly about political candidates in a public forum–for my own mental and spiritual health, but also because I believe everything is political, not just politicians.   But–as has always been the case–but in a pronounced, explicit fashion now, my work and livelihood is tied up in what’s happening politically. Even if you’ve been living under a rock, the last few years of quiet-initially, then altogether-rapid pushback against corporate DEI initiatives, the harmful Supreme Court decisions and emboldened racist, xenophobic and sexist rhetoric has impacted all our lives.   To be clear, this is terrifying and painful to witness and live through. But there’s another insidious byproduct that happens when regimes designed to tear people apart consolidates power– Divide and Conquer   begins to strengthen  (also known as Divide and Rule). This hundreds-year-old colonial strategy to pit people with similar identities, challenges and interlinked liberation works exceedingly well. In short: It weaponizes one oppressed group to believe another oppressed group has it better than them, so they turn their attention at tearing that group down, rather than uniting to resist the oppressors. There are a number of historical examples: the Partition of India and Pakistan, the Rwandan genocide, the Model Minority Myth in the United States as an anti-Black strategy…and so on.   I've faced criticism from some fellow social justice advocates for expressing my dismay about (yet another) anti-DEI news event in a way that was different than they expected. I was criticized for expressing surprise and was told I should have instead, talked about how this news event was a continuation of a larger rollback of DEI initiatives.   I’m a writer and words matter. I think it’s also ok to not have perfect  words to express how traumatized we are right now–when children are being massacred, when people are fleeing their homes because of unprecedented climate disaster, when people are seeing their jobs and life’s work dedicated to creating equitable workplaces wiped out because yet another business leader wants to curry favor with an authoritarian president.   To call out people who are working on similar issues but taking issue with the way they’re saying something is how divisions are sown between people who should have shared solidarity. Rather than building solidarity so people are stronger together to resist their oppressors, they begin to infight and tear each other down. Starts with words, then moves to so many other areas.   So for the oppressors, the weakened factions are easier to conquer. When people fight for crumbs, the oppressors get to keep on keeping the cake. I've used one example, a fairly benign one in the grand scheme of things. But there are so, so many - like when immigrants oppose immigration and how anti-Blackness shows up in so many non-Black communities of color. It's sadly common to turn against people with similar interests, in (an even unrecognized, subconscious) bid for power, or proximity to power. We have to be extremely vigilant about this in moments when oppression turns mainstream. It becomes easy to turn against each other, to blame each other and to separate and isolate ourselves. To lose empathy for our shared struggles and work towards our collective liberation.   Tearing each other down might feel like a temporary solution to dealing with the stress and trauma of these times, but it only weakens us in the long run. Instead, we must turn our anger and devastation to resisting those who are going to make things so much harder for the maximum number of us. Social media posting isn’t activism, but it is a powerful way to build coalitions that can make change–from organizing marches, to petitions, to building awareness and countering misinformation.   We are strongest in solidarity and weakened when we turn on each other. This is how oppressors win. Don’t let them.   Side note: I've eradicated "Divide and Conquer" from my lexicon. Having family members painful displaced in the 1947 Partition of India and Pakistan, I know all to well how effective and brutal this strategy is.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

I never tell anyone about my wild, pie-in-the-sky, moonshot dreams.   I don’t write them out. I don’t speak them out. There are times I’ve even stopped myself thinking about them, lest I jinx myself.   Growing up in an Indian household, the idea of “nazar”––negative energy brought on by others’ “Evil Eye” was pretty firmly indoctrinated.    Then, as even un-articulated-out-loud dreams in my youth didn’t come true (I didn’t get picked for the school play, was told by my school counselor that I shouldn’t apply to a dream college, got job rejection after job rejection after graduating during a huge recession etc.)...I figured it was best to not dream big dreams, let alone say them out loud.  There’s obviously problems with this–not least plenty of research to suggest that when you set and articulate Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals, you achieve them. Coaches, including my visionary business coach, La’Kita Williams, know this all too well.   Yet, I couldn’t stop operating from what I only now have started unpacking– scarcity thinking . The idea that if I articulated what I really wanted, I’d probably be humiliated if I didn’t achieve it. Or that I’d alert my “competition” who would swoop in first or cast an “evil eye” for it all to go awry. Or that someone would just talk me out because girls don’t ____, and Indian women can’t, ____ and brown people shouldn’t _____.   Or, most importantly, that I just wasn’t worthy of big dreams.   Working with La’Kita in 2021 was the first time I actually wrote out BIG goals–not achievable ones.    Like huge revenue targets for my business (some I achieved, some not), that I wanted Inclusion on Purpose  to win some big awards (it did not, but smaller ones did), that I wanted to speak on some big stages (yes!) and that I’d get to build a business that allowed me to spend time with my kid, travel to see loved ones and live a healthy life (years in progress, but plenty of forward momentum this year!)   One of the goals that I never articulated anywhere was that I wanted to practice yoga daily and immerse myself in learning about all aspects of it, beyond drop-in physical (asana) practices.   In my heart of hearts, for over a decade, I’d dreamt of completing a 200-hour yoga teacher training. But, as a larger-bodied Indian woman in the U.S., parenting a child and building a business, the time available and the offerings out there never fit.   Any teacher training I found in Seattle mirrored much of what I’ve seen in the physical practice classes I took—a lack of racial, nationality, ability, socioeconomic and appearance diversity. The message was loud and clear:  join this studio or this training if you’re white, able-bodied, rich enough to afford the fanciest yoga clothing and interested in yoga as a physical practice, not spiritual .  So I tucked this dream, hidden away in a secret compartment of my mind, where even my nearest and dearest couldn’t see.  But this weekend, I finally achieved it - I completed a 200 hour yoga teacher training certification, with incredible teachers of color, led by Ashish Arora. With my YTT cohort on our last day of training The “how” of how it happened is truly serendipitous. TL;DR: I ended up signing up with a teacher at a brand new studio (for me), literally on a whim because the 8-weekend training aligned with the weekends in autumn that I wasn’t traveling. Once my partner and I figured out childcare for the weekends, I took a deep breath, put the deposit down and never looked back.   This Sunday, when I completed the 200 hours and posted about it on social media, so many friends and peers wrote to me with some version of, “WHAT? You never told me you wanted to do this! Since when?”   And…well I was reaffirmed that it’s better to let people know after the fact than proclaim this goal and fail.   But as we were driving over to our graduation ceremony, my partner reminded me that  last December, I had said out loud to him: “I really want 2024 to be the year I complete a yoga teacher training.”    I totally forgot about this conversation. I think I was trying to be casual about it – I’m not great at saying what I want before it happens.  There’s all the shame associated with body things that I won’t spend much time on. As a girl, I was told “glad you’re smart, because your body’s ugly.” So I’ve long internalized that investing in things that improve my “brain” is my jam, “body” improvement things should be  done in secret. Western iterations of yoga sadly reiterate this (have a look at who is represented on most studio websites). This, despite yoga’s roots stemming from Indian philosophies and traditions.    And, as I’ve learned now, that yoga is TRULY for every body. The only asana detailed in any of the ancient yogic texts is a seat. Literally, sitting down. Handstands not necessary.   But rewind…I realized I did  say my dream out loud. I did set the goal and in doing so, I manifested it.   It does  matter to articulate wild, lofty dreams out loud. Since La’Kita made me write out goals for my business, I’ve achieved professional milestones much beyond what I even wrote out.    But now I’m learning that it’s also ok to articulate other goals–like, “I dream of finding love” or “I dream of solo travel” or “I hope to make best friends in my 30s and 40s”!!   I know, the last one is absolutely wild, but, as I’ve learnt, it’s doable! There’s a lot of great research about the connection between writing out your goals and achieving them, but I won’t bore you with them. What I will say is this, if you’re from a group that’s long been denied your dreams, I see you. It’s so damn hard. But it is one of the surest ways we learn to be who we were always meant to. With my graduating class at our celebration on Sunday, December 15 If possible, I invite you to join me in committing to shedding that bit by bit.   I’m scared too, I just wrote down a goal for next year that’s making me feel queasy as I think about it (I’ll share it out loud next year.) But only by encouraging each other to dream out loud do we get the opportunity to live out loud.  As we approach the end of the year, I hope you’re able to reflect back and dream forward.  Thank you for holding so much space for me, and as we say in my culture: Namaste ––I bow to you.   You deserve all your dreams, and in saying them out loud to yourself, your loved ones or anyone you trust, I hope you begin to believe you deserve them too.  I’ll see you in 2025. I hope you have a restful holiday season.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.

Well, the worst happened. I’ve despaired knowing that the U.S.–in line with re-emerging trends of xenophobia and nationalism around the world––has succumbed to the worst version of itself; patriarchal, racially-divided, exclusionary and down a path that it may never recover from.   I write this not only from my background as a global citizen and former international journalist, but as someone who studied authoritarian regimes in university.  Like most around me (indeed I, like most, by design  live in a curated echo chamber of like-minded people online and in real life), I have been alternating between grief, rage and anger. After the first few nights of real, valid fear as a woman, an immigrant, a mother, a person of color and someone whose life’s work is dedicated to inclusion and equity–I realized that I was succumbing to the very same distractions that led to the election of a xenophobic, narcissistic bully. The woe is me  syndrome.  If there’s something I’ve observed in the nearly-13 years I’ve lived in America, it’s the cultural acceptance to turn any topic to center around one’s needs and one’s own opinions, rather than listening to others and finding threads of commonality and solidarity. Individualism-first, over community care, is what has led us to this point, and what will make the next four years unbearable, if we’re not receptive to change.   To be clear, it’s normal to ask, in the face of grave danger, what about me ?  But as we process that grief, to really effect change, we must concurrently ask– what about us? And who, among us, is going to be most affected and most vulnerable?   I don’t prescribe to “oppression Olympics” where groups of people compare and compete over who has it worse. That's what has kept us apart for so long. Let me be clear: In the face of growing tyranny, we are all suffering and our liberation is deeply interlinked.   At the same time, this past week has demanded of me to look at all the ways I hold privilege and power and figure out how to mobilize that to stand up for people who are in immediate threat.  Here’s some of my thinking: Yes, I’m an immigrant to the U.S. but a series of freakish luck means I was born in the “right” country and had the “right” education and enough financial wealth to get a type of visa that the new administration will pretty much not bother with. I’m South Asian, which means that decades of racist model minority tropes has resulted in people viewing me as non-threatening, smart but compliant. I code-switch easily so, when needed, I can talk myself out of most situations as if I have similar (or white-adjacent) rights to someone born in this country. I live in an extremely blue part of the country, where I have access to abortion, gender-affirming care and don’t live in immediate physical threat. My work as a DEI practitioner has been challenged repeatedly in the past year and I’ve been told point-blank that the next few years are going to be really tough for my business. But, I have the deep financial privilege of being with a high-earning spouse with health insurance. He’s also a wonderful feminist who held me close as I sobbed multiple times, but especially when things got REAL when I heard Kamala Harris’ concession speech.   I am not under any delusion that these rights can’t be taken away–but I do know my focus needs to be on centering the rights of those who are in immediate danger.   Rights like those of:   Transgender colleagues in the military who are certain they’ll lose their job sometime very soon after January 2025. LGBTQ+ individuals who the next administration have mercilessly attacked. Black communities who live in constant (and ever growing) threat in this country. Undocumented and documented immigrants, DACA recipients, a vast number of communities who have been harmed by incredibly xenophobic rhetoric this election cycle. People navigating serious and chronic illnesses who would be completely out of financial options if Obamacare was repealed. A number of dear friends and family members are particularly vulnerable. Pregnant and birthing people, particularly of color, who live in red states.   (This is a short list. You get the idea.) I urge more of us to review the below image, the Wheel of Power, Privilege, and Marginalization, by Sylvia Duckworth.   The original version comes from the Canadian Council of Refugees  (CCR). This self-reflection on how to contextualize our rage, grief, despair (insert other emotion here) is deeply necessary because it allows us to recognize that the work ahead must center those most marginalized.   The work ahead is fierce and rough and the necessity of us to band together is more urgent than ever.   It is the silos we live in in this country that have created these divisions. I too, am guilty of not spending enough time among hurting communities–especially among communities with the same politics as me, but who have so much more to lose by the outcome of this election.   Right now, I think self-care is life-saving, but community care is life-giving. And the only way we can truly engage in community care is if we are able to step away from only centering  our  needs, or only the needs of people with our identities. The road ahead is long and arduous and true change can only come from centering the needs of those who will be most marginalized under this administration. Those of us with more privilege must find more capacity, bear more responsibility and carve out even more ability to engage in resistance.   If your voice, privilege and power carry right now…please don't back down.   Here are places my time and support are immediately going to. I haven’t linked to them because links sometimes get caught in spam filters, but a quick search should make it easy, reply if you can’t access them: Palestine Children’s Relief Fund American Civil Liberties Union National Network of Abortion Funds Northwest Immigrant Rights Project (you can also find an immigrants rights organization closer to you to support, NWIRP is mine) The Trevor Project for LGBTQ youth support Local support. My closest food bank is the Food Bank @ St Mary's, Seattle.   Look, everything is hard and painful now. Let’s keep moving forward knowing that there is much solidarity and purpose that can be mobilized for change right now, if we focus on community care, not just individual grief. I’m trying to move away from “why me,” to “all of us.”   Meanwhile, here are some wins last week that I’m trying not to lose sight of:   Delaware State Sen. Sarah McBride was elected as the first openly transgender member of the U.S. Congress. New Jersey Rep. Andy Kim became the first Korean American Senator in the U.S. Maryland Senator Angela Alsobrooks and Delaware’s Lisa Blunt Rochester are the first two Black women to serve for the first time in the State Senate.   Be safe and kind, all. The work never stopped, but it’s going to become a lot more all-encompassing  now. We need all of us.   In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the newsletter.