“Women should be seen and not heard.” That was the message I heard growing up. I was taught – in ways both overt and subtle – that it was more important for “good” South Asian girls and women to “look good” (by conventional and colonial beauty standards, ugh) than to develop our voices. So it is both professionally exciting and personally meaningful that today, the audio version of my book Inclusion On Purpose was published – and I recorded it. In my voice! (How’s that for being seen and heard?!) You can purchase the audiobook and hear me read to you on Audible. If you do, thank you so much. I also want to thank you profoundly for your patience. I regret that it took so long to release the audiobook, and it pains me that so many people were waiting to get their hands (or ears, I suppose) on the audio version. Having an audio version is KEY to being inclusive to all communities and I acknowledge that I should have done better to ensure my book was accessible to as many as possible. Please accept my humble apology. I hope it’s worth the wait! Is it a Non-Western Thing? I’m musing on the “women should be seen and not heard” message. Is it unique to growing up in a traditional Indian family? To Singapore? To Asia and the Asian diaspora? If you live in North America or Europe and believe the answer is yes, I’m not surprised. There’s a false belief in the U.S. at least that in other countries (read: non-western ones), the plight of women is to be subservient and silenced. Yet when I moved to the United States I found no escape from the “be seen but not heard” message. I can’t tell you how many times in the corporate workplace I was told – in ways both overt and subtle – not to say anything, not to speak up, that my career growth and success would take a hit if I used my voice. The women of color I interviewed while researching Inclusion on Purpose confirmed that they’ve had the same experience. I imagine that white women experience this message too – but nowhere near to the extent that women of color do. That’s why I center the intersecting identities and experience of women of color. Always. So yes, recording this audiobook is a personal and professional milestone. Not only because it contradicts the harmful and silencing messages many women of color experience, from within our communities and outside. Recording this audiobook was also a powerful experience because I had to be intentional about how I was working. The final audiobook is over 8.5 hours long, and it took three full days to record in a studio. Mentally, I knew it would be a marathon and not a sprint. That was challenging for me! My inclination is often to “power through” and “get the job done,” no matter how exhausted I am. That wasn’t an option here, as I didn’t want to lose my voice and delay the project. I had to pace myself. On the practical side, I prepared for recording by embracing Ayurvedic practices: I ate teaspoons of honey with haldi (turmeric). I drank warm rather than hot liquids. I avoided dairy products and vinegar. And I spent the 30 minute drive to the studio taking deep, calming, navel breaths that true yoga practice (and not the whitewashed version!) teaches. I am proud of how the audiobook turned out, humbled that I have the opportunity to share my voice with a wider audience, and deeply grateful to you for encouraging me and sending me notes and comments. For being such a supportive and uplifting community. Thank you. And if you need to hear it today: your voice matters. The world needs your stories. You are enough – right here and right now, today – to share what’s in your heart and on your mind. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

A painful truth: my lighter skin afforded me a certain level of acceptance within society when I was growing up in Singapore. But. I was never quite “light enough” and I was also regularly accosted by salespeople trying to sell me skin-lightening creams. What am I describing? Colorism – an insidious saboteur of inclusion efforts around the globe. Colorism is the biased preference for people with light or white skin. Globally, we’ve been conditioned, through decades of oppression and media messaging, to associate whiteness with beauty, power, and prestige. But skin tone only makes sense in comparison – so at the same time we’re taught these positive associations with white and light skin, research shows we’re taught to associate more melanated skin with ugliness, poverty, and criminality (it hurts even to type those words). These associations deny darker-skinned people access to opportunities and quality of life. And not only from other communities, but often, from within their own too. One area where this plays out is in global beauty standards, which are heavily linked to lightness and whiteness thanks to colonialism. Skin lightening creams and treatments are a multi-billion dollar industry in Asia and Africa, despite how dangerous they are. Why U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar focuses on eradicating Colorism When Minnesota State Representative Ilhan Omar was in high school, a boy said to her friend that she would be “more beautiful if she had lighter skin like Ilhan.” 😡 Can you imagine the pain of that experience for Rep. Omar and her friend? All these years later, that incident motivated her to take a strong stance on busting the availability of toxic skin-lightening products, which Representative Omar told me about in an interview for The New York Times. But the beauty industry isn’t the only one plagued by colorism. All workplaces perpetuate colorism which harmfully impacts dark-skinned women of color, in the form of getting passed over for promotions, mentoring opportunities, and other career achievements (if they get hired at all). And it’s not just in the US. Colorism is affecting the career aspirations of women across Asia as well, where colorism is rampant. One study conducted in India found that dark-skinned women’s constant exclusion from access to work opportunities has trained them to stop striving for advancement altogether. What can you do? For starters, we can all get educated on this issue. Dr. Kimberly Norwood’s work and book on this topic are a must-read to get up to speed. Greater awareness helps take the onus off dark-skinned women to “try harder to advance in their careers.” If you’ve been subscribed to Inclusion Is Leadership for some time, you know I never put the onus on individuals to address the systemic oppression that impacts them. Instead, leaders must demonstrate their commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion and the eradication of colorism in the recruitment process, policies, and especially in their everyday actions and practices. And the most important pieces of advice for ending colorism at work? Take responsibility, especially if you have white-skin privilege, to call out colorism when you see it and consistently check yourself for your own biases. We all have the tools and opportunity to unlearn our own cultural biases through awareness and acting intentionally. Educating ourselves, listening to others’ stories, and exploring other perspectives are an important starting place. Have you experienced colorism? Have you witnessed skin tone bias in your life or in the media? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

In 2019 (before the world went topsy turvy), I flew to London to attend the prestigious Thinkers50 gala. Completely unexpectedly, I had been named to the “Radar,” a list of 30 management thinkers whose ideas would one day shape the world, as part of what’s been described as the “Oscars of Management Thinking.” Anyway. At that gala, I also cheered on as Dr. Amy Edmondson won a well-deserved award for being the #1 thinker in the world. Her research on psychological safety was changing lives, hearts, minds and yes, organizations. I became completely enamored by her work on psychological safety. And then…as she gave a touching acceptance speech of how this award was three decades in the making…it all clicked into place on how it connected with inclusion. What is Psychological Safety? Imagine you’re in a high-stakes meeting at work. You’ve got peers and managers to either side of you and there are some serious power dynamics in the room. You’re a woman of color, one of the only or maybe THE only. You’re fairly new to your role and the company. But you know this for sure: your colleagues are overlooking something critical in the plans they’re making. Do you say it, even though you don’t have the status, privilege, or seniority of the white guy next to you? Do you put forth your idea, even though it’s a risk to how you’ll be perceived? If you’re shaking your head and squirming with discomfort, you’re NOT alone. But if you’re nodding and thinking, yeah, I’d feel comfortable saying something, then it sounds like you have something immensely important at your workplace: psychological safety. Why is psychological safety vital to inclusion? Groundbreaking work on psychological safety has found that where such safety exists – especially in very tense and high-risk situations, such as neonatal intensive care units in a hospital – it doesn’t matter who you are or what your rank is: anyone’s idea can be heard, not just the most powerful person’s in the room. More so, your idea may not be the winning one, but you know that you won’t lose status, or be ignored (or worse) humiliated for putting your idea forth. You could be a junior woman of color on the team, and still feel safe speaking up, sharing your ideas, and taking risks. That is psychological safety, and that’s what creates inclusive and innovative teams and workplaces. Research finds that teams with high growth and innovation have high psychological safety, but it’s not just that: psychological safety is how we create inclusive cultures at work, which lead to innovative problem-solving (and the myriad other benefits of diverse thinking and experiences). You should never feel shame or awkwardness to take a risk. You should never feel that you might lose status or be considered “less than” to sharing your ideas. One of the reasons why I believe corporate diversity efforts stall or fail is because they don’t address the people aspect of it. People need to feel psychologically safe more than they need to attend a company-wide “diversity program.” When it comes to really moving the needle, leaders and managers must investigate their own biases and areas of privilege. They must ask themselves, “How do we create psychological safety in our teams? How do we create space for all people to speak up and take risks?” If you’re a leader or manager, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions – and let me know your answers! And for anyone, if you’ve worked with a leader or manager who made you feel safe taking risks at work, hit reply and let me know: what did they do? How did they do it? I can’t wait to hear your stories. There is no doubt that taking risks and failing is non-negotiable for creating an innovative and high-growth team and environment – not to mention an inclusive one. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I’m familiar with going above and beyond at work: taking on extra assignments; picking up the slack for sick co-workers; even doing some of the “office housework” critical to the smooth operation of any office. I liked to help, I wanted to help, and I assumed my dedication would be recognized. It’s only logical, right? But, instead of recognition, accolades, or even an appreciative nod in a performance review, I routinely received the sting of rejection throughout my corporate career by being overlooked for career advancement. Instead, I watched my coworkers get promoted again and again because they happened to be “in” with the boss. It was demoralizing and unfair. We know women of color experience bias in the workplace and are disproportionately assigned this “office housework.” So it was the first thing that came to mind when I was asked to answer a question from a Girlboss reader on how to navigate nepotism at the office. This reader shared how they had been “doing it all” but still unable to advance because of nepotism. My personal experience throughout my professional career, and the extensive research I conducted for my book Inclusion on Purpose, confirms that nepotism is a serious DEI concern – especially for women of color. Why does nepotism disproportionately (and harmfully) impact women of color? Two words: affinity bias. That’s the predilection human beings have to gravitate toward people who look like us. So it follows that if corporate America is predominantly white and male-dominated (which it is), and people gravitate towards others like them… then corporate leadership is likely to hire and promote more white men – to the tune of 70% more than women of color promoted to leadership, according to McKinsey research. This is not about finger-pointing, though. Affinity bias is natural and something we’re hardwired for. So, we can lay down the defensiveness. And: we have the responsibility as leaders to become aware of our affinity bias so we can act intentionally to cultivate inclusion. If we don’t, we will act on our biases. That’s not our fault, but it is a fact. But what can you do when your boss has not ascended to this level of intentional inclusion? Three tips to deal with workplace nepotism (or bias) Talk to your manager. I know this is not always easy and requires you to feel a certain level of safety with your boss. But I highly suggest this as a starting point. Plan what you’re going to say in advance and stick to the facts. For example, try highlighting all of your achievements that you believe made you the better candidate for the promotion that you were passed over for. You can then ask your boss to explain what criteria were used to promote your colleague instead of you. Stop doing it all. Women of color are often expected to do the “office housework” – work that is outside of their job description but still necessary for the office to function optimally. For example, if you’re a lawyer trying to make partner at your firm yet you seem to get saddled with making sure office supplies are well stocked, then it may be time to actively turn down the “office housework”. Check out 5 ways women of color can say “nope” to office housework for ideas! Leave! Sometimes we forget that this is an option when we’re used to working in a culture of nepotism (and other biases). You deserve to work somewhere where you feel welcomed, valued, and appreciated! For example, if you have tried my first two tips to no avail, then it may be time to re-evaluate what you need and what you are not willing to tolerate from a future employer. Keep that information top of mind as you go on interviews and ask questions to determine if the employer would be a good fit. We’re a ways away from fully eliminating the bias that blocks women of color from advancing in their careers. But if we all make it our business to call it out, and we all make inclusion and equal opportunity for advancement non-negotiables, it will send the message to leaders that they must cultivate an inclusive workplace or risk losing valuable talent. I’d love to hear about how you have dealt with nepotism, or if you’ve ever caught yourself in your own affinity bias. Please share your experience! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Hiring for “culture fit” is among the most widespread and exclusionary practices in hiring today. And it is pervasive! One study found 84% of recruiters look for “fit” in their selection process. That is 84% too many. But what, exactly, is wrong with culture fit? On its surface, “fit” probably sounds like a good thing. After all, don’t you want your employees to click into your workplace like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle? The Lie of Culture “Fit” The problem with “culture fit” is that it’s coded language that nearly always means “culture sameness.” Think about it: when you’re hiring for someone who “fits” – given that most companies in Western countries are disproportionately led by white men – you’re hiring for someone who acts and thinks the same as everyone else. It doesn’t take much to see how exclusionary this is – not to mention detrimental to the hiring company, if the organization wants to stay competitive and attract top talent. Tiffany Tate is a hiring expert with over a decade of career development experience, and one of the women of color who generously shared her insights in my book, Inclusion on Purpose. She points out: "The old culture fit model relied on deciding whether to hire someone if you thought you could be stuck in an airport or blizzard with them. It's a bizarre metric—and riddled with biases, because you would likely choose to be stuck in an airport in a blizzard with someone who looks like you.” The “blizzard test” is not an effective assessment of who would best perform a job on your team. Tiffany advises her clients to move away from an outdated model of assessing how much you like a candidate to how well they could do their jobs. The Inclusion in Culture “Add” Rather than focusing on culture fit, organization leaders must concentrate on culture add. Seek to hire people you don't already have represented, whether by race and gender, educational background and experience, country of origin and languages spoken, or other identities. A plethora of research shows that harnessing the power of diverse teams leads to better outcomes: less groupthink, more innovative solutions, and overall more profitability. When teams prioritize hiring a candidate who would be a culture add rather than a culture fit, they're more likely to benefit from out-of-the-box thinking and better outcomes. In my book, I also share my favorite example of how culture add can lead to justice and fairness when the stakes are seriously high. Look, structural bias cannot be dismantled overnight. But declaring that your workplace is no longer seeking a culture fit for new roles and disrupting peers when they reject a candidate for not being a culture fit is a quick win. Ensure that your organization prioritizes the hiring of a diverse range of employees, especially women of color. This is not just HR's job; it is every manager's responsibility. You can read about Tiffany’s experience of being passed over due to “culture fit” in Inclusion on Purpose. And, she’s featured below! But I want to leave you with this: Tiffany now coaches clients to navigate the recruiting process and advises countless leadership teams and boards on hiring and retention best practices. During these interactions, she advises her clients to inquire of interviewees, "How will you add to the culture on our team?" Exactly. And now, I want to ask you that question! How do you add to the culture on your team, in your community, in your family or friend group? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

The advice for women to “lean in” never resonated with me. I was always an ambitious, confident person, in my eyes. I was proud of my academic achievements and work experiences. I didn’t feel like the biggest challenge to my career was a lack of confidence or leaning in – quite the opposite, I wanted to stretch myself and pursue big projects and assignments. I was pretty sure I had always been “leaning in”. So why did my corporate work environment feel so hostile? Why was I, the only woman of color on the teams I worked on, the most frequent target of bias? I knew something was missing from the “lean in” movement that began after Sheryl Sandberg published her book, Lean In, in 2013. So I checked in with other ambitious women of color like me, some who had gone through rigorous academic training and other impressive work experiences, and others who had a different life path but all had incredible grit and resilience. Across the board, we found again and again that leaning in was not where we were falling short. You can probably anticipate the “twist”: our challenge had nothing to do with our individual behavior, and everything to do with facing systemic bias and discrimination. Whether it manifested in what hair and clothing was considered “professional,” or being repeatedly passed over for promotions and leadership opportunities, the fact remained that for women of color, “leaning in” does nothing to remove the systemic obstacles stacked against us. And when women of color do “lean in”, we’re often ignored or met with harsh pushback. In fact, some of the “lean in”-style advice given to women, such as “negotiate harder” or “be more confident” or “fake it till you make it,” has been found to be detrimental for women’s careers. Here’s some good news: We’ve made progress as a community in our understanding of systemic bias since 2013. Just one (symbolic, at least) example took place in 2020, when both Joe Biden and Kamala Harris spoke the words “systemic racism” in their acceptance speeches after winning the US presidential election. But at least one problem from back in 2013 continues to this day, which is that diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) – especially corporate efforts – often implicitly centers white women. I understand that the message to lean in resonated with some professional, white women. But closer scrutiny reveals that systemic bias also negatively impacts white women, as well as men of color and many more individuals with historically underestimated identities. That’s why I have no doubt: we all stand to gain by centering DEI efforts around the experiences of women of color. The historical oppression of women of color is mighty, because of the two marginalized identities that we carry: gender and race. Women of color experience many more challenges and obstacles to progress in the workplace than our male and white peers. When we solve for those challenges and obstacles, we ensure a more equitable and inclusive playing field for all candidates. If you’re reading this far, here’s actionable advice for you: When you heard feedback that a woman you work with lacks “confidence/ambition/grit/leadership/leaning in” pause and instead ask: “Does she really lack ____, or is our measure of what it looks like biased?” I promise, it helps, shift your view. “Lean in”, as a catchphrase and call to action, had its moment. And now? The moment is over. Instead, let’s focus on the movement for leaders to lean in to undoing systemic bias and racism and creating inclusive workplaces for all. I want to hear from you: Did the #LeanIn movement help you or leave you out? And if you were in charge, what catchphrase would you choose for today’s movement to dismantle structural bias, and center the experiences of women of color? I’d love to hear your ideas! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

If I could boil down the answer to why we are so terrible at being as inclusive as we think we are, it would be one word. Discomfort. We run away from discomfort. And meaningful, long-lasting, life-changing inclusion––as an individual and in workplaces–requires us to lean into discomfort. So many workplace inclusion efforts fail because we overlook the fact that inclusion is much more than inconsistent – and often performative! – actions that prioritize our comfort. Inclusion is a mindset. One that requires ongoing, intentional development. And it will make us uncomfortable if we’re getting it right. To cultivate an inclusion mindset, you have to ground yourself in a growth mindset. Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, has shown that success hinges on believing that you can learn and grow in the face of challenges. In contrast, a fixed mindset keeps us stuck and shying away from challenges, believing our talents are innate rather than developed through practice and perseverance. I’ll never sugarcoat it: cultivating an inclusion mindset takes consistent work. It requires you to seek input from and listen to others. It forces you to address our own biases and racism. I can guarantee you’ll feel uncomfortable. In fact, if you never feel uncomfortable while learning about workplace inclusion… then you probably aren’t really doing the work. It helps to expect discomfort. This is why I developed the BRIDGE acronym, which I explore in my book Inclusion on Purpose. Cultivating an inclusion mindset requires us to: Be Uncomfortable. Reflect on what you don’t know Invite feedback Don't get defensive Grow from your mistakes Expect that change takes time The BRIDGE framework is my guide to get you started, built on the foundation of so many experts in this field. I was honored when Dr. Brené Brown told me how much she loved the way I frame this (faint!), when I was on her Dare to Lead podcast! Precisely because there’s an intrinsic connection between having the courage to be uncomfortable and vulnerable while working towards an inclusive, antiracist workplace and world. I am there with you Here’s what really helps me when I feel uncomfortable in this work: the reminder that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who’s uncomfortable. I’m not the only one who makes mistakes. I’m not the only one not sure what to do next. We all make mistakes and we can all learn from them. So let’s flip the script and actually learn from each other cultivating an inclusion mindset. When was a time you felt uncomfortable or made a mistake in your inclusion mindset? What did you learn? What did you do differently? I can’t wait to hear your stories. It might sound cliche, but it’s true: we’re all in this together. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Have you ever been expected to act grateful for having a job – even if the toxic workplace treats you like a stereotype? I have! When I worked in corporate America, my colleagues and managers were surprised and displeased when I used my voice and advocated for myself. I could tell by their body language and tone that they didn’t like it when I challenged the stereotype of the “submissive Asian woman.” I still encounter surprise regularly from new clients, even now that I work for myself. This is a common experience for Asian women in the American workplace. We’re penalized for challenging the dominant majority’s (read: usually white people’s) expectations; held to stringent criteria to be considered “likable”; and often dismissed when we raise issues of workplace inequality. So it’s no shock to me that educated and experienced Asian women are still overlooked for leadership roles in top American companies. Some data from USA Today: Asian women are only half as likely as white women to hold an executive position. Asian women make the least progress in their careers in relation to their education and experience when compared with women of other races. Only three of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies in America are Asian women, this changed just last week when Gap’s CEO Sonia Syngal was ousted–much faster than her male predecessor. Why is this the case? And why has it taken the significant rise in anti-Asian violence of the last two years to start a dialogue about the very real discrimination Asian women have always faced in and out of the workplace? Well in short: systemic racism. But systemic racism affects people differently depending on their intersection identities. And the way systemic racism plays out at the intersection of Asian and female attempts to erase its existence entirely: The “model minority myth” claims that Asian people have “made it.” This myth allows people who are not of Asian descent to deny racism even exists for Asian people– and honestly, many Asians I’ve met subscribe to and conform to this harmful trope. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t for quite a while. Many believe this “model minority” status gives us immunity from experiencing the type of discrimination that holds us back from career advancement. Then there’s the bizarre stereotype I referenced earlier, that Asian women are submissive, i.e. “not strong enough to lead.” Argh. 😡 Fortunately, the conversation is changing (and it’s about time!). I was honored to be featured in USA Today’s Asian women are shut out of leadership at America's top companies. Our data shows why, alongside impressive Asian women leaders like Anne Chow and Margaret Chin. (That's my son holding a copy of USA Today with the story on Asian women leaders on the front page, and a photo of yours truly right there! :)) I hate that it took extreme violence to start acknowledging the anti-Asian bias that has always existed. But I’m relieved that we’re finally acknowledging the racist tropes that hurt all Asian people, and the racist + sexist ones that block Asian women from the leadership positions we fully deserve and desire. Now, I want to hear from you: if you identify as Asian, how have racist stereotypes impacted your career? And for those with other identities, what have you learned about how systemic racism impacts Asian people? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Job seekers today are actively looking for clues that a company’s culture will be inclusive. I recently shared the story of Hilliary Turnipseed, who opted for a $30,000 pay cut to work in an inclusive environment. If your goal is to attract the best people, you must learn to recognize how you are deterring prospects with your current methods. That’s right: Employers are unwittingly alienating entirely qualified people at the hiring phase because of the words they choose to describe their ideal candidate and the job itself. If you want the best talent at your company, you must intentionally create inclusive hiring practices. Here, I detail 5 common hiring norms that hamper workplace inclusion efforts — and what to do instead: 1. Requiring college degrees for jobs that don’t need them: Harvard research shows millions of open jobs today that require a college degree are currently being completed by someone who doesn’t have one. This requirement is exclusionary and disproportionately sifts out applicants of color. Instead, prioritize experience and skills to attract talent from diverse backgrounds. 2. Using words that negatively impact women: Rockstar, ninja, hacker, guru, build, aggressive, analytical, and assertive are all words that are associated with conventionally masculine traits which research shows discourage women from applying. Instead, use more words like create, dedicated, responsible, conscientious, and social, which are more likely to encourage women to apply and–best of all–don’t discourage other genders from applying. Win-win! 3. Talking about “culture fit’: Looking for a candidate to “fit in” to your culture is exclusionary. It tells the candidate you want someone who is going to assimilate with whoever is already represented, which is often code for “white” and “male.” Instead, look at what perspectives are missing in your workplace and seek to create a culture add. 4. Having a homogeneous hiring team: A lack of diversity on your hiring team screams that you’re looking for “culture fit” (even if you’re not, intentionally) and turn candidates from other backgrounds off. Instead, allow people of a diversity of backgrounds to be part of the hiring team, so that they can bring their unique perspectives to the process and show candidates that you are committed to inclusion. 5. No transparency on salaries: Salary negotiation leaves the door open for exclusion. Sure, you may have hired a woman of color, but are you paying her less than you might have paid a white man? Research shows that’s very common when we leave salary conversations to negotiations over transparency. Instead, put a salary range directly in your job listing. Make sure you’re transparent and ensure the pay is in line with other comparable roles. I shouldn’t need to say it, but I’ll say it anyway: Prioritizing an inclusive hiring process is necessary to attract the best candidates from all backgrounds. Have you intentionally created a more inclusive hiring process? I’d love to hear what changes you made and how it affected your outcomes. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

“I want to paint my nails blue,” my son said to me a few months ago. When I protested (more to do with my concerns about the toxicity of nail polish; I wasn’t allowed to paint my nails until I was 10), he responded with: “They’re my nails. I should get to choose what to do with them.” He had a valid point. We agreed upon one coat of paint every six months and his favorite teacher put on a bright blue hue on his little fingers the next day. My son’s dad grew up in India and I was raised in Singapore in an Indian family. This was not the kind of discourse either of us had with our parents growing up, and certainly not at age five. But when my partner and I debriefed the conversation we had with our kid, we had to acknowledge–as have many immigrant parents I’ve talked to–our child is American. He will grow up with American values (even the ones I’m not too sure about!) AND a big part of why we chose to raise our family here (the choice is a privilege to be sure), is so that he would feel confident and empowered enough to say boldly…here’s what matters to me and I get to make my choice. My addition to this approach is: As long as you’re not harming anyone else or yourself. (A story for another day is how my child once counseled me when I had an argument with a loved one that I was the ‘boss of me’ and not to let other people boss me around.” Yes, he’s five!) The American value of, “it’s my body, my choice” is something I’ve learned immensely from in the 10 years I’ve lived in this country. Some of it has been empowering (I grew up in a deeply fatphobic country and believed I should hide my body because it didn’t conform to media ideals of beauty. I’ve thankfully learned better since.) Some of it has been concerning and deeply confounding (We can’t mandate masks or vaccines during a global pandemic when both have proven to save lives?) And then, something else entirely happened on June 24, 2022 when the Supreme Court of the United States overturned the protections of a person’s right to abortion. It felt distinctly unAmerican. Inhuman. Anti-science. I have lived in America as a woman of color long enough not to be entirely surprised. But it was a devastating gut punch. Here’s the truth: this decision will most impact those furthest from the centers of power and privilege: low income people, womxn of color, undocumented people, LGBTQ+ people, and people with disabilities, as a start. Intersectionality matters. Abortion is healthcare. The very same people who lack access to equitable healthcare will be most egregiously harmed by this decision. Which, by the way, the majority of Americans don’t support. And lest those in “liberal” states think it’s not an issue that affects them–here in WA state where abortion rights are protected (for now!), research show that demand for abortions could increase by 350% so we can accommodate out-of-state abortion seekers. This will put immense strain on our healthcare systems, not to mention healthcare providers. It impacts all of us, of course, in disproportionate ways depending on our privilege. None of us are free until we are all free. So where do we go from here? I’m still processing, but here are three to-dos that come straight to mind: Please speak up about abortion rights if you’re in a position of privilege and power and you deeply believe inclusion is leadership. It may be uncomfortable, but we really, really need you to speak up. And if you work for a company that has publicly declared they’ll support paying for employees to travel out-of-state for an abortion, but have a track record of funding anti-abortion causes and political candidates who fueled this horrific turn of events (here are some examples), then make a noise. Understand that this is an absolutely devastating time for many employees. Show empathy and make space for grief. That’s inclusive leadership. Fund womxn of color-led organizations providing direct services to those most impacted by this decision. This is a list I’m donating to. Recommend yours! That’s inclusive leadership. Vote. Get involved in local and state elections. My friend Jamie Van Horne reminded me (in my moments of despair) that we can make a difference by electing pro-science, inclusive leaders such as state Senators and Governors. More about her incredible efforts to make change here. Change the system today for a future when these things are not up for debate. That’s inclusive leadership. This ongoing fight for true freedom is long and grueling. We’re going to make change only by being intentional, aware and working together to get to the other side. Please, please take care of yourself when you need to, rest often, take breaks from the news and do whatever it takes to build your reserves. Then: Armor up. Speak up. Build community. That’s inclusive leadership. In solidarity, Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Hilliary Turnipseed’s new job pays $30,000 less than in her last job. And she couldn’t be happier. Hilliary could do a lot with an extra $30,000 a year. So what about her new job could possibly make her excited to have taken a significant pay cut? Flexible hours, employee appreciation, and a consciously inclusive workplace to name a few reasons. Hilliary’s experience with bias and toxicity as one of the only Black women in her last job catalyzed her to prioritize an inclusive work culture over salary. I predict that more women of color will follow her lead. It's already happening. *Cue Beyonce's latest song.* I acknowledge that placing mental and emotional well-being before pay is not always an easy — or possible — choice to make, especially for women of color. More than 4 out of 5 Black women are the breadwinners in their households. More women of color live in poverty than white women. And without an adequate financial safety net, many of us are forced to grin and bear toxic workplaces. Until we can’t. Photo by @NappyStock on Nappy.co Most women of color I’ve spoken to eventually leave a discriminatory workplace once the emotional, physical and mental toll of working in such an environment becomes too much to endure. You simply can’t put a price tag on being heard, seen and valued at your job. Millennials, in general, are increasingly choosing inclusive workplaces over higher pay. A whopping 80% say that inclusion is a factor when choosing an employer, and 39% would leave their jobs right now for a more inclusive workplace. Leaders will ignore these stats at their peril. If they want to attract top talent to their organizations, it’s clear they need to focus on inclusion. Job seekers want more than just company-wide inclusion and diversity programs. They’re looking for leaders and peers who intentionally demonstrate inclusive behaviors day to day. Inclusion on purpose is a big deal now and will only become more important in the future. Talented job seekers — especially women of color — are looking for clues indicating an inclusive culture. Have you ever left a well-paying job for a more inclusive environment? I’d love to hear your experience. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Workplace empathy is getting trendy. What I mean is: building empathy is a nonnegotiable component of inclusion. But empathy is one of those words — like authenticity and vulnerability — that gets tossed around in leadership and workplace conversations. When concepts like empathy become “trendy,” their meaning and associated action can be lost. So when we talk about inclusive empathy, what do we actually mean? What are you supposed to do? In chapter three of Inclusion on Purpose, I spend time unpacking the two different types of empathy (yes, there are two!): 1. Affective empathy (how easily you can feel another person’s emotions). 2. Cognitive empathy (you can understand and validate experiences and perspectives that may not be like yours). The empathy you want to cultivate as an inclusive leader is cognitive empathy. Why? Because cognitive empathy demands that we don’t automatically assume that others experience the workplace in the same way we do. For example, let’s say an Asian woman experiences biased behavior in the form of a comment about her accent in a western workplace. Her white, male American colleague may not be able to personally relate, but he can understand that her experience is different from his and validate that it’s painful for her. That’s cognitive empathy in action. This colleague understands that there is nuance to how his Asian peer experiences the workplace, based on her identities as a woman of color. I can’t express how much it means for women of color to experience this level of empathy from our white managers and peers. Demonstrating cognitive empathy at the right moment can significantly change the course of an underestimated person’s career. As newer research shows, empathy is not an inborn trait. It can–and should–be cultivated. Here are some ways how: How to enhance your cognitive empathy Walk in a fictional character’s shoes. I recommend consuming media — fiction, movies, TV shows — by authors from underrepresented and underestimated communities. When we put ourselves in a fictional person’s shoes who has an experience entirely different than our own, research shows it can help us develop empathy. Some of my recent favorite fiction books include, Homegoing, by Yaa Gyasi, Convenience Store Woman, by Sayaka Murata and Ginny Tapley Takemori (translator), Mexican Gothic, by Silvia Moreno-Garcia and Border Less, by Namrata Poddar (which released on the same day as my book!) Audit your social network. I also recommend auditing your social and professional network with curiosity. Do the people closest to you share the same identities as you; race, gender, education, socioeconomic status etc? If yes, how can you meaningfully diversify and expand your network? It could be as simple as asking a coworker from a different background to have lunch with you this week. Cultivate awareness at work. Finally, there are small but mighty everyday actions you can take at work. Take time and care to pronounce names correctly, and spell them with the appropriate grammar markings (like vowel accents). Take note of your employees’ pronouns and lead by sharing your own. These seemingly small details have a powerful compound effect, and meaningfully impact how valued, welcome and safe other people feel in your workplace and your presence. How have you cultivated your cognitive empathy? Do you have a favorite work of fiction by someone with a different background, one that really changed your perspective? What’s a small but mighty action your coworkers take that makes you feel welcome? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.